" Two individuals stood ou the capitol
tops just after the adjournment of tho
Houso, watching the Congressuicu as they
dune out. A casual observer would have
takes the pair for intelligent foreigners
studjjitfjg the institutions of tho country.?
Yet they u^ropo strangers to Washington.
Ooa wasthe Devil's Undertaker, the other
^was the Devil himsolf.
"Well, What <lo you think of Blaiuc?"
isaid a Congressman to Ben Wado 111 the
>heariag of our friends. 4
< , 'He beats the Devil," senteqtqpirty rcv.-..
marked the/cx-statesman. ?
The pre it unknown thus alluded to
^^^uuiled plat/'?y and said to his companion:
tmimintr itn't. it?, ltmta ika
H'Veij good?, <
ia fuuny, yoar Mau^ty,", replied the
D^PjJ^ertnker, aud they botV i,Tv;hed.
^ ;'it is evideut that tire'e peoplo do n"?t
comprehend the dfcal uafu.e of tho Satanic
principle. JJ'he^A'uot see that the Devil
u as distinct from tho Devil's Undertaker
as .yishuu, tho preserver, is from Siva, the
destroyer. It is your interest, of course, to
maintain these rascals on oarth just as long
as they give any promise of further usefulneess
to the oiuse. 1 gather them in to "ton
you arc through with them. Yet, wheuover
a poor wretch winds up his career and
- disappears in a glory of brimstone, the world
says, 'Gone to titx Devil,' when, if it knew
things as they are, it would say,'Abaudoued
by the Devil to the teuder mercies of tho
Devil's Undertaker.'"
Both of thoso pleasant gentlemen laughed
again, and quite.heartily.
"Sometimesyou are decidedly \p too much
of a hurry for your victims," said the first
the final ef
i'j'orillbm iu
giving him plenty of rope."
" \t all events," said the undertaker politely,
"wo are perfectly agreed in regard
to our Brother Blaine. Even vnur n.in
guine, trustful heart cannot hope to get any
more service out of him. lu less than
fifteen minutes I shall take qu'.et satisfaction
iu shaking him off. Here oomes
h now " fv jnmf
ft ''One moment with yOOiyile, Mr.
Blaine," said tho Devil, str ,?ig forward
^ft and beckoning tho cx-Speakur a little apart.
The Undertaker followed, cheerfully jiugliug
a pair of handcuffs in his pocket.
Mr. Blaine turned white and then red,
his voice troubled a little, as be said :
B^^^ft'Well, sivpwhat is your business with
^/ome at once to the point," said-the
hold here a document containing
^^^^^^PLcmont, or contract, or bond, just aftftBftftftyhiS)?.bk>?hicl^
X-fuvnishrd
ubiii|\ skill, pluck, wit, nmgu&tic elo/uonee.
aud;W\y even to impudence?in short, with
c. t ^qualification needful to subserve ambition
jn attaining success. Here is your
sigaatu^o, you see, all regular and witnessed
by our mutual friend, Hannibal Hamlin-."
"I remcu.ber. now,"said Blaine,quickly,
"I had almost f .rgottcn your face. Haven't
seen you, I believe, since I was a member
of the Maine>^iegislature. How have
you been, old fellow? Come down to dinner
i and briug your friend. Should like to have
y you meet Sam Ward." ,
^ "Thanks," said tho Devil, "but jfc will be
impossible. Business is business. *lfou remember
that there was a consideration mentioned
in tho bond."
"I do recall something of the kind,"
stammered Blaine, nervously. "But ol
( courso you don't menu to Pshaw!?
Why, I was young then, and didn't understand
the nature of a bond; I was frauduf
lently induced to sign the paper, I besides
it's outlawed."
V "It is not outlawed," answered tho Dovil,
firmly. "Everything is legal and regular,
1 aud, after maturo deliberation I have deft
tcrniined to hand you over to my undcrtaft*
kcr here.
V The Devil's Undertaker stepped up with
ft ' a smile, and a courteous nod to Mr. Blaine.
f "But surely," continued Blaine, "you
^ will not enforco the bobd. O, think of my
family, my friends, uiy connections. Let
them pload for mo. Try uic a littlo longer
I oan still bo of service to you. 1 dyfnt
feel that 1 shall be a deadhead in any enterprise
you may suyyest. I see various
channels in which I know 1 can be useful.
With a wave of his baud the Devil referred
this piteous petition to the Undertaker.
''It is so nominated in the bond," said
' the undertaker. "I uiust insist upon a strict
r*- imuwproiAion of its provisions."
/ -^"Let me retiro into private life, into obscuritypnto
oblivion," urged the ex Speaker.
"It will not do," said the undertaker, "I
remember coming hero under similar cirk
cuinstances just about four ysaretigp. We
wore after Colfa*^|hen. The poorwrMwP
i pleaded so hard tbd wep so bitterly tlra
egainst my better judgment, I gave himjK
as a corpse not worth thu burying. ? fid*
did he repav uio '( Went lecturing to Voung
Men's Christian Associations! 'That is my
last oxpetiment in the merciful line."
"At least," said Blaioe, in apparent despair,
yeu will allow me to look over the
bond. Give me fair play. There mny be
somo flaw in the pbraaoology.'.
[ ^My papers aro always pretty strongly
drawn," said the Devil, with a smile; but
kl have do objeetion to lotting you satisfy
yoiirsolf, provided, of course, you will give
Ine your word of honor as between gentlemen,
tbat you will roturn the document."
"Certainly," said Blaine, "J give you u?y
word."
The pspor panted into Mr. Dlaino'Hhand*
He eat down on the capitol atepa and read
it attentively, while tbe Devil and the Devil's
Undertaker stood by, patiently waiting
l Then a sudden ohange catne over Mr
t Blaine's oountonaoee. IIo flushed to the
L roots of his hair with virtuous iudignation
A He buttoned the bond in his iuser bro.isl
\
pocket aod jumping to bis foot, exclaimed
id an excited manucr:
."What is this ? An uttcmpt to lujuro
me with my own private papers! An invasion
of the personal rights of an American
citizen ! An outrage on the inalienable
privileges of every free-born republican!
A dastardly attempt to blacken my reputation
by a pcrvcrsiou of uiy own hundwritiug!
Never, uever. shall 1 givo up this
bond ! 1 defy the Ex-Confederacy aud ill
its minions." Co*
The vehemence of Mr.( Bftdno's iuvectivc
hud drawn a crowd around him.?
Somebody suggested that there must be
something iu the pa} A which called f.-r
concealment.
"Coucealmont 1"# he shrieked. '-TwfGpudiate
N.j thought. Whenever"cc?.?Jk!m'ont
*m?. . , ? , . k <rir "? "
is able, avoidance is adv.X-*-?srf.
My action is entirely based on brn*'' | Van'1
pics of abstract right. Listen, and 1 will
read to you, aud to all the world, and to
all the universe, what is in that bdhd." v*.
an...- k i ?J ?t??? '
iiilu iiu iuuu, auu >Tiinb me ar miniig.*uidiouco
heard was a letter written from Augusta
by Mr. Blaine to Haunibal "Hamlin,
complimenting tho latter on the povscssiou
df ability, skill, jduck, wit. personal beauty,
maguetio eloquent' ,.aou" integrity cvonrto
blamclessncss. v \ I
"Vindicated! Vindicated!" shouted the
crowd; tossing their huts in the air and
cheering till the heavens raug. "Vindicated
I triumphantly, but hadn't you better show
the letter to somobody, just as a mere form?"
"Oh, that is wholly unnecessary," said
Mr. Blaiuc, buttoning up the bond in his
pocket again and walking coolly away.?
| 'Didn't 1 read it?"
i The Devil and his companion had watched
the vindication wi'h quiet interest. "There's
nnj|^gej|WHu^Bait^e yet," said tin .
JDbt uTt better let bin#
rA 'lion V
.pjPPPBBdow 11 Penmjjf^
vauia avenuV'Ip^'ull on 8f'r ltobberson,
the Devil, seem za to bo in taught. Ouce
or twice'lie asked his bompa1*-"
"VVhafjwas that Bcu Wade*"saLnbout
Blaine?"?A". Y. Sun. *
i
PkimaUy Ejections.?The idea of primary
eltl'tious for candidates to fill the
I various county offices has been suggested to
us by some of our promincut politician?
aud ou reflection we consider it a good one,
and recommend the plau adopted by Democratic
clubs in other sections of the State.
But first, Democratic clubs must be organized
aud put into complete working order iu
every township iu the couuty. This doue
: the plan of primary olectious can be ratified
or rejected b_' the various clubs. This
^liould be done as early as practicable. If
oT' etiODS, tnc following plau is suggested:
Let ench one of the clubs iu the county,
on a day hcreai. -r to be designated by the
executive committee, hold a meeting for tho
purpose of bnllotting for cand.dates for tho
following offices, to wit: one senator, tour
members of the legislature, clerk of couft,
sheriff,^udge of probate, school commissioner,
three county commissioners aud ceroner,
i and after balloting for such candidates, a
i:fc4 ..*? p -ii ? i ^ *
iibl oi uauius ui an persons voicu ior una
the uutubcr oi' vfites each may have received,
be made out and scut up through their respective
delegations to the county convention,
which body shall proceed to couut all votes
lor each and every candidate voted for in
each club, and thereby ascertaining the
whole number of notes for each candidate,
shall declare the candidate who roccives a
majority of all the votes of all tho clubs, the
nominee of the party for the office for which
howns ballottcd l">r, provided, however, in
caseofa tic betweb tv?ing candidates,
the convention shall proceed todcloruiinc, by
, ballot, which of them shall be the nominee
, of the party.
This plan, we are satisfied, will give entire
satisfaction, and will cause the party to work
harmoniously, which above all things is
most desirable in the coming campaign. In
this way wc will get the sense of tho whole
people and the candidates nominated will
be their choice, and will receive their undivided
support. There will be no door left
open for complaint and dissatisfaction on account
of '"court house cliques," "favored
4 jealities" aud a "stuffed convention."?
Marion Slur.
Whkbk Tim Money Goes.?"Mr.
Swipes, won't you split up a little wood and
go and borrow a brass kettle beforo you go
up town ?" "What in thunder do you want
me to do that for ?" "'Cnusi 1 want to
preserve some cherries to-day." "Cherri<>?l!
"Yes, cherries!" "That's just like you,
Mrs SvlAes. You'ro always spluttering and
fooling wound with some nonsense like this.'
"Nonsense?well, I guess you Jlike preserves
as well as auybody." "1 dou't either."?
"If you wasn't too lazy to ,-plit tho wood
8 Tou'd Hk< .houi." "Mrs. Swipes, now do
I bo sensible. You know this preserving
' Knciiins? ninnnr cinrnv fruit none
wax, firewood, and the deuce knows whnt
all. But some way or other you never do
think about expense, for you're always buying
ribbons, rutHus, and flummadiddlcs; but
when 1 want anything, such as an cnsy chair
to rest my weary bones in?oh, no, 1 can't
1 have it, because you've spent all the money
for duds to put on your own back." "Now
you think you've said it. Oh no, you don't
spend any money, but I spend it all. II
that's so, whore do you got money to play
pedro and come home to the bosom of yom
family stono blind drunk ? Don't deny it.
Swipes, for you konw somebody blacked your
eye-glasses i' o other day and you was so
drunk you thought it wasuiiduightand came
home with a lantern in your hand in the
: middle of the day. You talk about s^uan
dering money."
A startling ruuior comes from Paris tbal
. long gloves, reaching nearly to the elbo*
and requiring twenty buttons, will be eeson
tiul to tho peuco of mind of every well
> dressed lady this year
a ye.
*6"
I? ? *?
LABOR REFORM. , /
Kilitors Co/u nib in Register:?The iuiopendence
of the farmer's life it now-a-Jays,
aud perhaps always was, an attraction; It
is all very lovely lor the bard to sing of
gentle spring, and bursting nature ; tnd the
skippiug lambs, aud the lowing herds, and
the fresh turned earth, aud all that. "Tis
all very well to say that the farmer has
none of the brain work to worry him that
| suiciucs so umny trail creatures who have
I bank accouutsnow due that they cau't meet;
i so many that are brought to desperation by
the privations of a city pauper life ; so many
who despair because, from tlie pressure of
the times, they cannot foresee any mcau?t
of securiug a livelihood for their families.
I say all this will do for the poetic part
nf^gJajoj^-'hic. Hut when wc comedown
a7?ip?l TMirt. hew differently things
| lrii n??*? tlj> . ...?z
I "Inrtl, deceased. ' I,
?n : j notiiiug ol ''the sweat of th^i
Jjrow, the burning sun, the piercing col'l
the exposure to each, the tired body, and tijo
like, for theso-are contingencies from wliioti
"\ro claim ,u0 independence.
But tlie haul farmer's life attributes to
the farmer a mastery, a control, an ability
to conduct his likjug, and the privilege of
saying how, where, when and what work
sha" be done to elevate his farm to its greatest
t oduetivc capacity.
Tins locality is to-day a mighty delusion.
Thv. farmer may .sweat, aud burn, and''freeze,
and exhaust his physical efforts to little purpose
so long as demoralization runs riot ovdr
the land, labor has no stability, and there
is no such thing as concert of action or
thought amongst those who are tcehnieflHy
known as the producers of the mud. **
And this is the exact condition of our
country to-day. There is no rystcm, no
unUut" 'f purpose, no- concert of action
jrr.nongst the far^V.^. Labor is not stable,
] fyr you may hire Jiiu in January for a year;
i hupitches your crop, becomes dissatisfied
VJfrVyou mitis ceremonic. I want labor
tnd at .."pick up Jiui ^s readily as
if he had bceu sent by you to uio.
"Tramps" swarm the c..uutry, work here
to-day, idle yonder to-morrow, and commit
iTprcdations everywheifc 9 as they go.?
f rough these sources, too, luccndiary and
' I .1 ' 1
( i U|v-1 pvtuitiuun uuv,uiiiv:9 iiru iT mMlllliait'U.
\he isolated farmer, with h. ?icfeuscloss
I I'umi!} ^ constant presence lor
I these and other causes,' teds* under tfic??
, circumstances the burtlie.is of mental auxi
c'v, and attempts to devise means of relic
lruni the pressure. Association is his lirs
, idea; reform the second, and the rcsultan
profit the third. What more natural?
For these reasons, and with this view
. have our friends on Saluda lliver, in tin
f vicinity of oid Stony Point, the most quiet
tha - J-. i ih.y.. ~"
a*T' ' ?>; ' ?o?f u\*-irablo portion of our couti
ty. organized themselves into a "Labor He
, form Association," and adopted a const it u
tion, to which lias been attached the sigua
lure of every real estate owner in that pre
. cinet, and a copy of which 1 send you foi
publication, that others "'may see our good
works," &c. Your obedient servant,
A Farmer.
Greenwood, Juno 12, 187g.
labor reform constitt .on.
i We, the citizens of the vicinity of Sims
Cross lloads, Abbeville County, S. C., havi
i felt- it incumbent upon ourselves to orgau
1 ize for the purpose of effecting the object!
set forth in the following constitution :
' Organization.--?The object of this or
ganization shall be to benefit our country
by conciliating capital and labor ; by incrcas
' ing the productiveness of our investments
and by lessening the intolerable burden o
tnvntinn.
A a.vie.?This organization shall b<
known as Labor Reform Association, No. 1
Officers.?The officers of this associa
tion shall be a President, one Vice l'rcsi
1 dent, a Secretary and a Treasurer, who sbal
be elected by balio^aud serve one year fun
1 day of election * "
There shall be an Executive Cotnnutlet
1 consisting of five incinhers, to he elected
by ballot and to serve for one year, and
whose duty it 'shall be to enforce the pro
' visions of this constitution, subject to an
appeal to the association.
MEETINGS.?This association shall mecl
at 2 P. M.on the second Saturday of eacli
mouth, at Bethlehem Academy, unless oth
erwise provided at a previous meeting.
MF.MUKltsll11*.?Any person cau hecouu
| a nienib<.'r of this association who shall re
ccivc a two-thirds vote of the members
present and subscribe his name to this con
. stituti.wefk^i
'-^VOne-fourth the members ol
this ns?u<;ij^ion shall constitute a quorum.
FeKsvj^d IB 'eh.?There shall he no in
1 itiatiou fees nor dues, hut current expense!
shall he defrayed by a majority vote.
Obligations.?No member of this as
| sociation shall or allow to be employed
, on his or her farnt nny laborer who emtio!
i produce a discharge from hi> or her forinei
employer, unless by consent of said employ
er, or the Executive Committee of this as
sociation.
No member shall employ any laborer al
, the end of tlio year who is in arrears witli
his or her last employer for advances inadt
' during the year, without satisfactory ur
, rangements being made for paying the same
No member shall knowingly tunploy anj
? laborer who has wantonly violated the lawj
, of his couiitrv.
No member shall withhold a discharge
from any laborer justly entitled to tho same
1 Penalties.?Any member violating auj
of the provisions of this constitution, anc
, persisting in the same, shall be dismissed
I from the association.
AMENDMENTS.?This constitution maj
be amended by a three-fourths voto of thos<
present at any meeting : l'a>vi(f<<J, Notice
t, of such an amendment shall have been givei
r at a provious meeting.
Special?The President sh.;ll hnvopow
- or to convene this association whenev. r ii
his judgment it shall be deemed nc?* wry
^ I
J . - - - ' I? ?
BEER-DRINKING AND TEMPXRANCE.
Perhaps the temperauce questiou is not
exactly soljred in Munich j 1 don't know if
, it was over'Taised ; indeed the intemperance
question has made So little progress that the i
titer has probably not been reached. You
.'ouldn't say that the'Munichers are uiod^ att^n
the use of bfcer. I have seen people
at houic?and raging thirst secuis to
b( our national birthright?diink water just
a' recklessly, deluging the pale and drcnchi
T^touiach with the cold, icy cold fluid.?
1 tybably the German would expatiate eloquently
upon the horror- of water-drinking
?. IV he had auy experience in that Hue.?
The Mui.Utcr is cotiteoi. not to try any
hazardous cxperiuicut; having struck the
medium way of beer he deviates neither to
water ou the one hand nor wino on the
k ?t A *.! I* ? * ' * "
i - w? ^ \iivi it \v:m nut nc dui :i i'russiau, |
whose (if)ilioii ntitf cxileii *
I w'uco gn\Y his remark some weight, who
I saidjf ) me, the other day: "As lor me,
when I can get good water, pure fresh water,
I let the beer stand one side, and drink
wine." It makes all the difference in the
world with one's tempereuce principles
whether he iives ou the Rhine or on the
Iser. There is a saying here that a Munich
man is'a beer cask in the morning, and
a cask of beer at night: the epigram nVe^s
no explanation limtCj.fcm it might be uiisunr*
ucrstoud elsewlAPrc., If ono were disposed3
philosophically to $Midy the tcmponloff^
problem, Munich would be a good liehl I'or
it, for one can see hero exactly what is the
cCVt ot unrestrained liberty, though, in
| applying what one learned here to our own
I country, you would hrfve to allow for the
difference of climate and of the touipcranent
of the people. It doesn't at all follow
that what would do for Munich, would do
,;?'r Hnrtfor'1^. Probably you could not find
in the whole city, a uiau or a woman who
has oVjfcr thought of what we call total abstiinn(c,
and they could not comprehend
the i'ca. Tliit there are plenty of temper-c'V*.
eoplo?that is, people who drink beer
regularly and never overstep the bouuds of
moderation. The observation that one makes
in Miyiich is that drunkenness is a rare
exception. In a residence here of many
tnoi(ris I have never seen more than one or
twoln!frjx'i7iii?1.J>eoplc in the streets, and thy
were lwt marked by tnO"'ldnoss of vicious|
1 1/f our stniug-li<pior incbrn<i.>,,'.'MJ-,'(,i,>- |
i ^Abe railier good hum--red carls, who na??
lot choir \v y and didn't seem to care whot
i thcr jlicy ever found it. IJut this seems very
t j r itiujkablo, wneii there is a beer house ovi
< ry ladf-block. and you oauuot select a rosi|
i enco in any part of the town that is not
' I as handy to a /.?// ? as it is to a public
" ! school or a church. And 1 eauiiot see that
^1)1 1^ tends uiiv
"t i h:iv*r knoV/n sthingofsTeT
! indulge freely in boor hero the whole season
| and be,just as good temperance people at
; the end as they were in the beginning.?
j Vhcficr the Hermans, especially the men.
tin n> waste a good {Real of time in beer
I hnllA,ai'ternum al'tot .li'ternoon. and night
nf1-r night,1 swigging endless mugs, is an<
yr questiun. And it is a lair question
I t } ai.se. The question is, however, a more
j specula ivc one, so long us the Hermans cottI
tiime t- produce so many scholars, philcso|
pljrs, men of incalculable erudition, woni
denully energetic travelers and explorers,
and conquering soldiers.
I I i
Kk.NTL'OKY Hlltl.'s KNCSKANC-r 1 1'o\'v
Slandkuku.? SYc are in formed that
a p!teii\! battle was fought iu the Sunday
School at Holt's school house, on the Lovelaccvilie
road, about fifteen and a hall
j- uiilcs from Paducah, on Suuday last,
hich fur a tituc created considerable comj
nu^ion^fiud 1c.su1.cu ?ii a severe injury to a
young man known as''Step John Rudolph,"
by a young lady named Miss Melissa ('oilier.
i,Tt appears that Rudolph is a very long
I Amgucd individual, and that he had slnuder,
cH Miss Collier, who is considered a young
/toe of excellent standing in that c<Th.muf
ai(y Learning that he was at the Sunday
Soli joI above mentioned and being cxas|
Derated beyond measure, she armed herself
with a hickory club and entered the house
, crying. The superintendent was just about
to begin to read a chapter in the Rible when
t he wiis interrupted by the exclamation :
( 'AVhcre is the scoundrel?" The whole
school looked up in utter amazement, and
discovered the lady making toward the cor,
cer where ltudolph was seated, w ith desperation
in her eyes. Swinging her club as
. !?ht) approached Rudolph, she was heard to
s'.y, "(.ih, here he is !" and whack went the
stpllalyi utv>11 ''if head ,giving him a gluucr
in;^ Glow, but of sufficient force tt> knock
11 iI . over nil the. bi'lU'll lit init in n pnrimr
In could not get out handily, and Miss 0.
. sAivi'.'d the eluh with both hands and gave
Iibh a terrible beating over the head, body
aril mi, which he held l irjard lor proteeii<m.
The superintendent endeavortJd to
ho d tbo young lady, to prevent her from
r kiting flndolph, but he could do uotliiug
with her, and not until further assistance
eatne could She be taken aw iy from tho object
of her hatred. Rudolph's arm was
vqjy badly hurt. lie employed (jovcrnor
, KVog to assist Mr. Samuel lJryce, County
. Attorney, in prosecuting the case, and the
trial came oil bcfoio 'Squire Euiuiett lludolph,
rcsultintr in a fine of one cent and
, ' costs against the young lady. Stop J(?hn
j ^Rudolph was fined ?5.?J*attumh, (Ay.)
JVeicn.
????
: A young man in Western Winconsio, who
' wh ftbftft* to ho married thu other day, Mid'
denly nmonibercd that lie had not led his
horse, Kid the ceremony had to wait until
tho honk was cared for. lie explained that
a good ?rifo couldn't he found every day,
1 while tha-tccn different girls wanted to uiar*
ry bint L_
i An tfXn^ iibnt.?''Skin an Independent
( itch a scalawag. An Inde
pende u cancat kind of a Radical,
i , hccanse^Phorct foe is worse than nu open
enemy.^mf,'Aroiii<7e ami AViUinr/.
\ jl ^
WklTj Done Alabama.?The dispatches
inform us thut the recent Democratic
Convention of Alabama?one of the largest
ever held in the State, every county but
three being represented?renominated Governor
tieo. S. Houston, 'the old wheelhorse.'
In doing this, they did very well.
Governor Houston is in tnany respects u
uiost remarkable man. Although nearly
three score and ten, he is as fresh and vigorous
as when, thirty live years ago, he
first took his seat in Congress. He has
a fine uiind, strong argumentative powers, a
indomitable will and energy, and has won a
hold upon the affections of the people which
cannot bo shaken. Wc witnessed a portion
of bis canvass two years ago, and it was, ]
wherever he went, a countiuuous triumphal
tnarell.f-trtVi' K:iw mnn wlin tint li.inn
strong Xt*jj)MUlicaiM..gv(^jiiico tliQ_<iailulj
the w:n couie :o hi'ii at the ciose ot hw
speeches ami swear by all the gods that,
convinced by his powerful appeals and arguments,
they would ucvcr more act with
that accursed party.
From 18-11 till 1 SGI, Gov. Houston continuosly
represented the Florence District
in the House of Representatives, with the
cxccptiou of one term, when he declined an
election. In the winter of 1SC"> lie was
elected to the United States Senate, but.
"nke^Phc other members then chosen from
the Confederate States, was not allowed to
take his seat. In 1871 he wasclected Governor,
ruuniug ahead of every other man
on the Democratic ticket, and receiving
13.190 majority over a uian who had been
elected two years previously by 8,197 votes.
This is his past record.
The State election in Alabama comes off,
under the new Constitution, some time in
August, we believe. With Governor
Houston at the head of our ticket, and the
true men who arc assooiatcd with him, with
the terrible ifKt in the ranks of Alabama
Radicalism, that State will give a glorious
endorsement for the Southern Democracy,
in this, our Centennial Presidential year.?
When she spseaks, it will be with a voice
of thuudcr.
Gen. 1 ' jtcik'k.?The speech which we
copy b^^ ^f Gen. Hancock, at the reunion
of the "Army of the Potomac, is in
striking contrast with the miserable and offensive
remarks of Generals Sherman aud
Shio idan on the same occasion. It is brief,
buflo and goncror- in sentiment. It
shows ttie VrCJvUriot rAd gentleman, while
the others to wlhkjvJcavo qlluded are the
productions of consuiXe^o vulgarism and
braggarts: ?
"Comrades of the Avniy oflf," Potomac:
W e arc asscuib'i'd here to-day.
' Tl'ff liWfJ"?>'n T I hnu^
society, io-ren<7v wment friGliSSnips
' formed fii tho ftohl of battle, t enquire as
to the welfare of absent comrades, to determine
the ?r:?]>s made in our ranks by time
and to inaugurate such measures as may be
possible or necessary to aid worthy comrades
i in distress, or the widows and orphans ol
dece u jd comrades who may require our as
sistancc.
"We have no other purpose in meeting
hero. Here polities enter not, either tt
distract or disturb. Wc meet simply af
brothers who are linked together in affee
tion through memories of the past; by common
dangers incurred, glories gained, pri
rations sufTered and hardships endured; and
| I urn thankful that 1 am permitted to he
j present with you, and that the privilege ol
i calling to order this meeting of my old
comrades devolves upon uic.
"JJut before proceeding with the exercises
of this occasiou, it is proper that wc
' chould return llta to Almighty God foi
11 is goodness in permitting us to be here and
in health to-day, and to ask that His blessing
may test upon us all.
"The llcv. Mr. McYiekar is requested
I to lead us in the expression of those thanks
; and in invoking that blessing."
\ - ?
Hints vok Visitors.?It is when we
I ate temporarily in the homes of others thai
j tact and good breeding tell. It is diflietill
tto aiu the art of easily and gracefully
| adapting one's self t<? any circumstance, sc
Las to be at hoiuc and agreeable, whether all
j things go to one's satisfaction or not. 'J'c
! be thoroughly pleased with the arrangement:'
| that others make for us, after having for a
i time abandoned our own, is next to impoS'
I siblc. Hence we put as the highest prool
of being pleased that we are perfectly al
home. Next to being so, is the honest effort
to make others feel that you arc so. Il
is the token of 'rue nobility to make even
the lowest at case in your presence. And
| the advent of such a well-bred person into
! the house of any family, is soon found tc
1 be a pleasure to the old and the young.?
, While, 011 the other hand, the airs and
tones, and fidgets and fretl'ulncss of a dis
contented visitor, are enough to make a
house wretched to all its inmates.
To Get Uid of Stumps.?.Mr. W. M
Turner, of Maine, communicates the following
to the New York World:
Id the Autuui bore a hole one or two
incites in diameter, according to the girth
of the stitiop. vertically in the centre of the
latter, and about eighteen inches deep.?
Put into it one or two ouuees of salt
petre ; fill the hole with water and plug uj
close. In tho ensuing spring take out the
plug and pour in about one half a gill ol
kerosene oil and ignite it. The stuuip will
suiouI'Tm- away without blazing, to toe i ^rj
extremity of the roots, leaving nothing bul
ashes.
. ii i
When a merchant gruffly refuses to ad
vcrtiso, you may set him down as one win
will soon hand in his commercial cheek)
and retire from business for the lack ol
both customers ami money. The pucecssfu
business men are always cheerful, polite
and if not ready to advertise do not fail l(
appreciate its advantages, especially ti at
tract trade in dull times.
A MATRIMONIAL BUREAU
Applicants during offico hours will have
the satisfaction of knowing that curious
ones on the other side of the street can and
doubtless will obtain an uninterrupted view
of their approach and departure. In the
ladies' department a collection of the photographs
of the applicants will be kept, and
vice versa in the gcntlcuicu's department.?
No applicants of doubtful character will
be received, and any<?ftnc ambitious of
obtaining admission into the iields of married
bliss must produee unequivocal testimony
of untarnished honor and all the attributes
which make a person eligible |o
private society The institution bciug supported
by philanthropists, of-.^tiuree' the
monetary feature of the business is the least
conspicuous, buf some attention is mid to
it iu order that, the m.lv.fan aalU
supporting. A schedule of charges has
been scientifically arranged for the. benefit
of the patrons. The average'fee to i^luiu
the services of the agent for one mouth is
85. At the eml of that time, if a congenial
companion is not found, the agency rcfuuds
the money. If a manage is conisummated
tlie "bureau" is enriched according to the
liberality of the bridegroom. No marriage,
no money.
A healthy man, medium sized, average
looks, middle age. is worth 85 to the 'bureau.'
Take oft' half a score of years from his age,
add a few inches to his statue, give him a
graceful moustache and other items of external
grace, and his fee of admission depreciates
50 per cent, for the chances of
marrying him off, and the ultimate gains
are increased by that amount. On the other
hand, if he possesses much personal unlovelincss,
87,50 is exacted from him beforo his
vanity is gratified by the exhibition of his
picture, lied hair is assessed 81 extra; a
class c} c, 83 ; a cork leg or arm, 85 ; a slight
strabismus, 81 50 ; a bad squint, 82,50 ;
baldness entails 75 cents extra, and false
teeth, of ordinary manufacture, SI. If the
artificial molars arc neat and not easily detected,
they are allowed to pass without extra
charge. Deafness costs 84 extra. Blue,
gray, and green eyes arc not iueluded in
the category of good looks." Brown, hazel,
and black eyes arc worth 50 ccuts to the
owner, for they save him that amount on
the fee. Hair that curls without the suspicion
of "kinky" is worth 81. Small cars
are valued at 25 cents, and little feet and
hands at'double that amount.?JSan Francisco
I'ost.
?
Plastering tub Wrong Man. -It was
a Very embarrassing circumstance, ulJ il
happened at the hotel .in Mt. V^ruou.?
[A man aud his wife were stopping.?liere.?
to. tu>yt>r<i4
vtHi?.'ana was taken sick Tnd^?_
. lie told his wife that lie must have itnlhB&f
ate relief, or he Could not live, and thought
a mustard draft would relieve hir>. She ?
! hastily robed herself, went duwn st'.irs aud
. fuuud4fbo watcliman, who admitted her to
f the dining room, and sire apreftd the mustard
from the castor ou her hanlterehief and hastened
up stairs. Fiuding the door ajar,
, she rushed in, turned down "the bed clothes
| and slapped the mustard draft on the uu.
eouseious man's bowels. He instantly
sprang up in bed, and in a strange voice
said : "My God ! Madam, what are you doing
?" She had got it on the wrong man.
Wc leave the reader to imagine her feelings.
, She found her own room, and io accents of
* horror told her husband the tacts. The extreme
ludicrousticss of the incident set him
iuto an inordinate lit of laughter that relieved
hiui as thoroughly as the mustard
, plaster wyuld have done. Very early the
next morning, boiit'oT'niany of the guests
I were up, a man and woman, trunk, bandboxes,
etc., might have been seen leaving
the hotel, for the woman's name was 011 the
[ handkerchief.
- ? - - ?
1 IIkwauk ok Drunkards.?Wc tender
our tliauks to the Vermont judge who the
other day, in pronouncing upon a divorce
suit, laid down the opinion that when a wo'
man marries a man of known intemperate
habits, she takes her happiness, prosperity,
and welfare in her own hands, and has no
' claim for riddance of him thereafter. We
' have great pity for the wife who is ioincd
' | to an intemperate husband, but we trcmblo
1 | fur the fate of the woman who marries an
1 I intemperate man. If these words reach
' the eye of any woman under engagement of
' marriage to such a man, we most solemnly
' appeal to her to pause before she imperils
| her well-being by accepting any such risk.
' Oil! tiiosk Sum?ay Nights.?A wet
I Sunday night affects the two classes of lov>
ers in opposite way. To him who is eu1
gaged ii is a godsend, as it enables him to
snug up i her iu the parlor and have tho
I whole evening to himself; hut to the other
lover, one who is not engaged, a rainy Sun1
day night is a most painful episode. His
footing at the house isn't sure enough to
warrant his going there through the storm,
and all he ran do is to attend the church,
and stand in the vestibule, and pull his shirt
collar, in the despairing hope that she may
1 appear. She dou't ol course, and he goes
i back to his dreary home wretched and uiis!
crahle beyond description. Oh, those days
of ecstatic idiocy! how their memory over
comes us.
> ''What would be your notion of absent
r mindedness ?" asked ltufus Choato of a
I witness whom he was cross examining.?
r "Well," said the witness, with a strong
t Yankee accent, "I should say that a man
who thought he'd left his watch to hum,
and took it out'n 'is pocket to see if he'd
time to go hum and get it, was a lectio ab>
sent minded."
f The fish aro suffering. Did you ever
I think of how foolish a fish must feel just
, after swallowing a worm, to find himself *,
> flirting through tho air and then wollopiug t
around on the ground with a paiu in bis *
jaw? *
0
... . . !